SOL 7

How do I always manage to do this? Second day into JYG (Junior Youth Group) and I have ruined the friendship with the first people I met. Today we were sitting together at lunch and I got separated from my friends by a few people, which wasn't that far but far enough so I wasn't in the conversation anymore. Most of the time I sat there in the little metal fold out chair and challenged myself to see how much spicy mustard I could put on my sandwich with out wimping out as I ate it. I did pretty well, some of the people next to me thought I crazy with all of the mustard, but I ignored them and enjoyed my lunch. I honestly thought I put just enough mustard. The blend of flavor with the turkey and the mustard with some tomato...mmm. Anyway, one of my friends got up and I decided to mess with them so I stole her spot and joined in the conversation. Finally in the conversation. She came back, but she stopped. I don't think she actually knew what to think, so she gave me a nasty look. My stomach turned so I got up to give her her spot back and moved my lunch back to the corner of the table. Something changed inside her, I didn't know what but I knew I should move. She managed to give me a quick "whatever" with a huge glob of bitter and sass on top as she moved my lunch back to where she originally sat. The guilt started to build up inside me like bricks piling up. Every time she looked my way, another brick was thrown on top. How did this even happen? It was just a chair!

Later at the basketball game we had I tried avoiding them to have a better time at JYG. Turns out that one of my best friends from camp was there, so I hung out with him. The minutes flew by and soon it was his turn to play in the game so he gave me his hat before he ran in to the court. I sat there bored with the hat on for a few minutes, and then got up to help put away the extra basketballs lying around. I struggled to cary five, but managed enough to bring them over to the basket. My eyes floated over to my other friend as she turned around with a face I couldn't really name. Fear? Anger? Confusion? ALL OF THE ABOVE??? It took a second to make the connection and then the guilt bricks started to pile up to my neck. The hat belongs to her ex-boyfriend... More bricks. I tried to flash a quick smile and then I walked hastily back to my friends. You can have multiple friends.. right? I cast a quick glance at my other "friends" and saw the surprise on the their faces as their stare back. Ok, theres that answer. Why do I feel so guilty? Im just wearing a hat. Why is this such a big deal, a chair and a hat? I sat there pondering this until the half time bell goes off and I joined my new friends.